just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize