Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
