its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
