if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
