Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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