oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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