listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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