I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
