D3 body, D1 cock
My hand turned me down
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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