Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
