These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
