I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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