Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
