Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
