Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
