I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
