Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
