so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize