He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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