no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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