I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
