I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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