I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
