Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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