It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
