gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
