Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
