She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
