Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize