Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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