If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
