dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
