Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
