That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
