If i come over, it means nothing
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
