this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
