Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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