3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the day after is always just damage control
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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