Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
