I cannot find my penis.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
