I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
