***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
