i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
