Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
