Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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