The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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