Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
