I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
