He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
