dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
