For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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