Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
