i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
