I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
