Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
