I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
