hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
