It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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