Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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