That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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