just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
