Moan for me like Helen Keller
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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