On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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