I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
