You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
