my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
