dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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