What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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