I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
