I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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