Do you still have your period?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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