everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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