if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
