oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
is that a dick in a sweater?
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